The Define the Relationship Talk—Now, Less Awkward
It's hard to bring up, but you need to set the record straight because guys can get weird about commitment. "When it seems like time to define your couple status, men often freak and wonder if there's someone better or if they want to give up their carefree single-guy role," explains relationship expert Harlan Cohen, author ofGetting Naked. You deserve to know if your guy's going to waste your time. Here's your three-step plan.
1. Choose the Right TimeUnfortunately, there isn't a magic formula that determines when you should have the talk. But generally speaking, it's go time when you have your first "You're killin' me, Smalls" moment—i.e., you get a sense that you two may not be on the same page, and the where-are-we suspense is nagging at you so freaking badly that it's all you can think about.
2. Choose the Right PlaceBring it up during an active moment, like when you're walking in the park or making dinner together—that way, the question isn't the center of the universe, which eases the intensity. FYI, fancy dinners out are a terrible idea—the formality adds pressure, and if the talk doesn't go well, you'll both want to leave, but you'll still have to deal with the bill. Pillow talk also isn't ideal. If he says he doesn't want to be your BF, you'll feel extra vulnerable since you're naked and just did intimate things—so it's best to do it fully clothed.
3. Choose the Right WordsThe key is to stick with open-ended phrases that give him a chance to share his thoughts without forcing him into an answer. Say, "I'm dating only you right now, and I want to know if we're in the same place," or "My cousin's wedding is soon, and people will ask what we are….I'd like to know what to say." If he says he's down to commit, sweet—Grandma will be tickled pink to meet your BF. If he gets all "Uh, I don't know…," then move on, and wear your flirty best to that wedding.
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